For the first time in years, I witnessed a McDonalds Happy Meal commercial last night advertising a toy for the new movie Kung Fu Panda. Screw you! Kids hate Happy Meal toys. They want Playstation 3. It brought back so many memories of the years my parents would reward me and my brothers for something great we did by taking us to the McDonalds drive thru for a Happy Meal.  Now kids get rewarded just for not beating up their parents, or not bringing a hand grenade to school. No wonder we have a child obesity problem! The toys that came in Happy Meals were the cheapest pieces of garbage anyone could ask for. Who doesn’t like a red plastic crayon that shoots water out the end of it? I know I did! What were some of your favorite piece of crap Happy Meal toys?

Wow! How awesome this collection is!

What the F are you suppose to do with this?

Why are you so orange you stupid carrot! We all know that the brittle bones in your body are covered up with nothing but wrinkly, stretchy, orange skin. We look at you and chuckle with delight. When do you look in the mirror and say to yourself hey….enough is enough, I look like a rotted orange peel decaying on the side of the road.

If you feel like tanning go ahead and go tanning for 16 minutes once or twice a week. Don’t abuse your inside organs by signing up for two memberships at two different locations so you can try and beat the system by tanning twice in one day you sick dried-up raisin. Not to mention that you’re internally abusing your insides by decaying them every minute you’re laying inside of a glorious tanning machine.

Yeah I will admit I tan once in a great while because I like a healthy looking glow like everyone else. I appreciate people who take care of themselves and like to look good for themselves and society. Don’t do it to the point though where you’re destroying your health. If you wake up and notice that you look like an old beat-up construction cone that’s been run over to many times STOP! it’s just a warning sign you need to decrease your tanning time from 12 hours a day to 11. Take care of your skin ladies and douche bags it’s only a matter of time before it falls off and we accidentally mistake it for a twister mat.

I don’t smile in pictures because my face doesn’t allow me to anymore.

You gots a problem wit Dat?  Check out me and my brothers hot bods.

Willy Wonka called….Get back to the factory you douche bags!

Monkeys have always been my favorite animal since I was a child. I love everything about them, there very cute animals are they not?  If I could ever have a pet monkey I would grab one in a second and I would not name it Bubbles like Michael Jackson. I would most likely go with the name Luke, Simon Birch, or Fritos. Those names fit a monkey. Can I buy a monkey in Rochester and if I can where do I go and who do I make contact with to purchase my very own monkey. I’m positive I would be able to take care of it because by the time I leave for work he/she will be asleep and when I come home in the afternoon the monkey will be ready to go for a walk on park ave. They are the closest thing to a human being. I know gorillas are known for throwing their feces at people and on walls but monkeys are petite enough where you would be able to show them how to use the potty.  There is a cute breathtaking monkey out there with my name on it so I ask you to please call (585) 222-9800 if you happen to come across one. Cute little Monkey you are with your big ears. Look at you with those cute little fingers and those tiny little toes, I love those damn Monkeys!